Oprah

After catching a few minutes of Oprah on Friday where she attempted to get the audience to feel sorry for the heir to SC Johnson fortune and the granddaughter of billionaire Warren Buffet, my interest in writing about how much I hate Oprah resurfaced with a vengeance.

So, I googled "I hate Oprah" for some ideas that I could supplement my post with in case I forgot a few reasons for my hatred and I found a rant that was near perfect. Without question, my favorite line from it was I'm not saying that Oprah is Hitler or McCarthy - I'm saying she's both of them combined. Allow I generally discredit and disapprove of comparing anyone to Hitler because of Godwin's Law but I just couldn't pass this up. Enjoy.

I Hate Oprah
by: Brandon [Last name unknown]

I think a lot of people would beat around the bush with this one, so I am just going to come out and say it: I hate Oprah Winfrey. Maybe hate isn't exactly the right word, but somehow I would feel like less of a man admitting to the whole world that I am afraid of an aging, perpetually dieting, vegetarian talk show host. In reality, we should all be afraid.

Oprah Winfrey is a modern demagogue. She's like the soccer mom's Mussolini, prescribing what to wear, what to read, who to vote for, and even what to eat. The truth is, I just don't think that I, nor anyone else, really comprehend the limits of her power. And just think, ten years ago she was nothing more than the female equivalent of Geraldo Rivera - make that two Geraldo Rivera's. Or maybe she just ate Geraldo Rivera - it doesn't really make a difference. Oprah's rapid climb from talk show host to saint can go unnoticed no more. I volunteer to take the rap. I will accept the hate mail. I will shoulder the anger of thirty million women in the United States. I will do whatever it takes to get the word out: "I hate Oprah and you should too!"

Let's consider some of the facts. Okay, some approximations of the facts, but you'll get the idea. Nobel prize winning authors usually see their publication increase in the hundreds of thousands, at most, after winning the prize. However, if an author gets his or her book on Oprah's book list, he is guaranteed a spot on the New York Times' best-seller list. She is neither a respected author nor a respected literary critic, but Oprah speaks and millions read. And it seems like a simple observation, but when you consider the historical influence of what we read, the social ramifications of Oprah's guidance become clearer. During the Red Scare, people were branded communists based on what they read, and Hitler recognized the power of literature and focused much of the Nazi effort on censorship; so clearly, at least according to history, what people read has an effect on their social and political views. I'm not saying that Oprah is Hitler or McCarthy - I'm saying she's both of them combined.

Really, everyone has to recognize the power that Oprah wields over one of the most powerful voting blocs in the United States. For soccer moms, Oprah is Buddha and Jerry Springer all wrapped into one; she entertains, but at the same time she remains focused on the salvation of the soul. Everyday, hordes of women gather around the tele-pulpit and pray to the gods of Oprahism, people like Kevin Aucoin and Cindy Crawford, contemporary dieticians and designers; all capitalists posing as prophets on Oprah's multi-national stage.

No matter who you are, Oprah is not like you. The fact that she can convince you that she is should make you even more afraid of her than I am. I'll probably have my legs broken by angry mobs of women sent by Harpo Productions tomorrow, but today, I hate Oprah…and I'm sticking to that.

As great as I think the rant is, I think it clearly omits two of my prized reasons for hating Oprah (although the piece may have been written before both events). The first is the whole deal with Oprah giving away Pontiac G6s to everyone in her audience. She made no attempt to explain that she had not purchased them or that GM had donated them. So afterward, every soccer mom in the nation was talking about how great Oprah was for giving away the cars. She didn't give people shit.

Number two is the whole James Frey debacle. She invited on the show to explain the fiasco but all she did was publicly condemn him. Her purpose, as South Park recently outlined, was to fix her image. The fiasco had made her look bad because she recommended a book that was fluffed which according to many, made the book better.

Ugh. All I can say is "Oh, Minge!"

Tags: Oprah, James Frey, Minge, & Egotism