To get a taste now...
Beware of Natty Light. Drinking any amount greatly increases your chances of making out with fat chicks and drunk dialing ex-girlfriends. Please use caution.
“I HAVE A
Father Time, that bastard, has let yet another year eclipse and still so many battles being fought. The battles over our own hubris in the
1)
For some reason, the presidential race for an election to be held in November 2008 began in June 1987. The 48 round boxing match has already had some victims. Valiant politico Tom Tancredo just couldn’t sap his stamina for a 3 year race, most knowing he is like a dwarf, a sprinter and very deadly over short distances. For some reason, the grizzled hobbit, UFO spotting Dennis Kucinich is still a democratic contender; whereas Alaska Senator Mike Grabel has withdrawn. The most interesting story of course is not who has dropped out, but who still carries a torch.
From my humble point of view, the following issues “should be” extremely important in the upcoming election as they are extremely vital to the future of our nation:
This takes me to the topic of this thread, why in the great name of fuck is
The scope of this process in
2) Politicians are Politicians… Scientists are Scientists
The best politicians around convinced the kings and queens of Portugal that the Earth was flat, so I guess it’s a good thing Christopher Columbus went to Spain to get a second opinion. Religion and politics have gone hand in hand in destroying/discrediting scientific truths and it is happening again today. In my time spent in the Southern parts of the
Ironically, the basic foundation for any theory of evolution was discovered by a German Monk in the 1800’s. The theory was further developed as most people know by Charles Darwin. For some reason, this is a topic which “religious” people have a huge problem with. If we did in fact, evolve from less advanced forms, then there could be no creation (we’ll just disregard the idea that creation could still be a part of this model); therefore, the Bible is inaccurate and the sky is going to fall on our heads. When I talk to people about this in the south, they mutter “well… look at a watch and how complex its pieces are, clearly it was designed and didn’t just happen! Such is the human body!” They proceed to walk away as if they had just won the pumpkin pie eating contest with a whole helping of smug on their face. I then say… “guess what buddy, that watch was a sun dial two thousand years ago.” pwnd.
Although, evolution isn’t as “political” a topic as global warming, it serves as a lever to the fulcrum of idiocy. By attempting to discredit scientists on this theory, politicians hope they can cast enough doubts in the minds of their sheep about the credibility of such “liberal” scientists and create their own panel of “trusted academics.” Just like I can find a guy with an MD to say on TV that by taking this simple pill for 6 months I will get six pack abs, I can find people with PhD’s to say that the Bible’s story of creation is real. The same type of person accepts both, muppets. If you think for one second that Moses rode a Dinosaur, cover yourself with diesel fuel and smoke a cigarette, hey at least you’ll get to see Jesus sooner than you thought! By discrediting what 98.9% of biologists accept, politicians have been able to cast doubt in unbiased sources of scientific debate and thus use their own twisted research as proof.
This modification of scientific findings happens quite often. The Bush Administration was caught with their pants down again, this time for forcing scientists to change the wording and findings of certain papers discussing global warming. The scientists in question resigned immediately and went straight to the press, luckily for Bush no one cared. So why would our government have such a problem with global warming? Simple answer is greed. It would cost “certain people” too much to make our country a greener country so lets just not even try. We’d rather spend money on convincing you that this is not happening and the people that are trying to tell you it is are immoral, child molesting deviants. Let’s just ignore the fact that the innovation required to make our nation’s industries more environmentally friendly could in fact be a huge industry in and of itself.
Instead of talk about ways to make our nation more energy efficient, we talk about ending our dependence on foreign oil as the sole way to make our country more “environmentally sound” and, in turn, bone the terrorists. Some nimrod in the administration made the connection that doing this will stomp out terrorists because “most of our oil comes from the
Global warming is as Al Gore defined it, an inconvenient truth. It is happening, it is our fault, at this stage I don’t believe anything can be done to stop it; but, I do believe it can be slowed. Yet the generation in charge which is so worried about their children, love to just bone them with every chance they get. How are we going to pay back 9 trillion dollars? Leave us with a dead social security system that will bone us? Destroy our planet so our children won’t have the gifts we’ve had? Well, as long as you can expand that 42” waist at the local all you can eat buffet, who gives a fuck right?
I find it the most ironic that the “religious right” is so adamantly against anyone who says anything about global warming. Isn’t the earth a gift from god? Don’t you refuse to drink caffeine to protect your body as a gift from god? What’s the fucking difference? I guess they believe that Jesus is coming soon so they better look busy. Religion does not belong in our government, our founders knew this and made rules against it. “Hey there Mister, our founders were very religious people and all were Christians!” Yeah, they also used leaches to suck out the devil inside that was giving them diarrhea…
Take home message is, I have no problem with religious people, just don’t force your ignorance on me. The same group of people that are forcing their ignorance on us humiliated a man for saying the Earth isn’t the center of the Universe… whoops guess you were wrong their too. Don’t manipulate science fact into science fiction in attempts to prove your point. The Earth is warming: fact. It has continued exponentially over the last century: fact. Carbon Dioxide in our atmosphere reflects heat back to the surface: fact. Global Carbon Dioxide levels have increased over 10 fold in the last century: fact. “The Flintstones” is not a documentary: fact.
3) Please: Stop Giving
If you’ve ever bought a Hillary Duff, Hannah Montana, or Nick Carter CD and aren’t a 12 year old girl, just stop reading because you should be busy doing other things like slitting your wrists, chugging drano, or something more conducive to the way you wish to conduct your life. Brittany Spears is sitting in her multimillion dollar pleasure palace laughing at EVERYONE. Did you see her at the MTV Video awards? Her big chance to “make a comeback” was just slammed by everyone; yet, her newest cookie cutter album sold ~1.5 million copies. STOP FUCKING GIVING HER MONEY. The bear is fat, rabies infested, but if you keep throwing it pork chops, he’s not going anywhere. This also leads to another perennial problem: Kevin Federline. Only you can prevent Federline.
4) Stop Pretending Reality TV is Good Entertainment
American Idol is coming back around for a eleventy billionth season and will undoubtedly be the most watched show in
Whelp, that is my Festivus airing of grievances. Feel free to leave me hateful comments.
So May 15th came and went. Thank fucking god. I'm referring to the National Do Not Buy Gas Day and more importantly to the annoying emails and text messages I got all weekend. You know the one I'm talking about.
“Do not buy gas on May 15, 2007. In April 1997, there was a ‘gas out’ conducted nationwide in protest of gas prices. Gasoline dropped 30 cents a gallon overnight… There are 73,000,000-plus Americans currently on the internet network, and the average car takes about $30 to $50 to fill up. If all users did not go to the pump on the 15th, it would take $2,292,000,000 out of the rich oil company’s pockets for just one day. So please do not go to the gas station on May 15, and let’s try to put a dent in the Middle Eastern oil industry for at least one day.”First and foremost ... "Internet network?" Uh... that's like saying Yankees fans are a nuisance irritation. The Internet is the network fuck nuts.
The events that occurred Monday morning in
The finger pointing began at
What everyone in the country needs to realize is that this was a tragedy involving an extremely troubled individual. The human brain is so complex that the possibility of just “snapping” exists within all of us and just the descriptions of how he went from classroom to classroom shooting people clearly indicates that he snapped and had extreme psychological and emotional problems. Would gun control laws have prevented this? Honestly? No. Someone who is that “prepared” for what he was going to do would have went to the black market if gun control laws were more strict and what do you think would have been right beside a 9mm or a shotgun on the black market? I would guess the world’s favorite gun, the AK-47, or maybe even an Uzi which would have caused much more damage. What about metal detectors? As described, this man was locking people in buildings to up his horrific tally so what would a beeping wall done to him? I would guess, make him shoot any security guard and walk through and carry out his plan.
We are always quick to blame situations and circumstances when usually the easiest explanation, although providing no comfort in this case, is usually the correct one. The young man clearly just snapped. The scale of his act suggests that little protective action could have prevented something so chaotic and barbaric. In this day and age of polarized politics, people are so corrupt and immoral that they jump on this and try and spin it to their advantage when we really should just be thinking about the families involved. It happened, now we need to cope with it, not blame everything under the sun besides the person who did it which is where all the blame needs to lie.
I don’t really like to throw the word ignorant around too much, well… that’s a lie and beside the point. For the sake of argument, I’ll just assume that there is no better word to describe how intolerably fucking “ignorant” some people can be. Recently, one of my roommates stumbled onto a documentary on HBO called “Friends of God” which made me want to arm myself with my “Flame Thrower of Justice” and go do some real work. This documentary highlighted, through many examples, how Evangelical Christians live and what they believe, with many of these statements coming from videotaped sermons and from personal confessions. I really don’t care if you believe one thing or another, let me set that straight; but, when you tell your children something so…… so….. I gotta take a break, I almost had an aneurism…. blatantly, scientifically, and obviously wrong and idiotic as “Dinosaurs are in the Bible and lived alongside people and here’s proof! Don’t believe those “evil scientists!”” I just want to eject you from the planet.
Boston: Fucking Idiot-ville USA. I can’t believe that a police force/FBI/DHS shut down a whole god damn city because of an advertising campaign. If they actually asked anyone on the street between the ages of 15-25 a sizable majority of them would have said, “Chillax (yeah they say that in Boston) man, dat’s (yeah they say that in Boston) just some fucking cartoon man.” The second I saw the “bomb scare material” I laughed out loud (lol’d, they don’t say that in Boston) at the idea that someone would think that was a bomb. I even thought in my head how this whole thing went down.
Courtesy of Autoblog, I have a video to share with you all today. It's a video of soldiers somewhere in Iraq navigating traffic. Enjoy.
Just another piece of evidence proving that you can be a dumbass and still make lots of money in the music business. Akon, or otherwise known as Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam (yes, that's his actual name), is just a giant dumbass.
I feel you creepin', I can see you from my shadow.Instead of pronouncing it correctly as Gui-yar-do, genius Akon says Ga-lar-do. This wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that he owns one, drives it daily and tells everybody about it. It's an orange one to boot. Doesn't he know that all Lamborghini's should be yellow? At the very least though, you'd think that the local Lamborghini dealer would have "smacked that" and made him say it right when he was buying it. Guess not.
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo.
Maybe go to my place and just kick it, like Taebo.
And possibly bend you over.
So now that I've graduated, its time to think of what to do about grad school. Should I start immediately? I think that's pretty obvious. I'm not married. I don't have any kids and well, I have too much time on my hands right now. So, it's definitely time to go back to school.
Labels: School
Here are two great Dilbert cartoons that succinctly illustrate how I feel when people me to help them with their computer problems.
Labels: Computers
American Idol is the most popular show in America and in most parts of the world (there are other countries versions' like “Pop-Star, El Musico-La Staro, whatever”). Why you may ask? Some people find it entertaining, which I have no problem with. I have a problem with the people who watch this show and make it their “dream of dreams” or their “life goals" and I have a problem with anyone who considers the winners of American Idol "musicians."
This may be the most unpopular blog I ever write; however, I can’t stand idly by and let people put 24 up with the greatest TV shows. If you really like 24, and/or really liked the movie “Armageddon,” you should probably stop reading here.
This isn’t as much of a rant as it is social commentary. How many times have you heard a girl say “Wow, you know, I’ve dated some real assholes in my life and I just want to find a nice guy!”? Personally, I’ve heard this uttered dozens of times from hundreds of girls. It is, in fact, the biggest self-imposed lie they will ever tell themselves. A girl saying they want a “nice guy” is like me saying I want a third leg, it sounds really awesome, but what the fuck do I do with it once I have it? The truth of the matter is, there are just as many nice guys out there as there are assholes, they are just invisible to most girls. A “nice guy” isn’t as loud or obnoxious as an asshole. A “nice guy” doesn’t pop his collar and shower in cologne. A “nice guy” will walk you home after a night out and not expect anything in return, being happy purely knowing you are safe. Unfortunately, all those traits which make him “nice” also make him appear less desirable than the alternative.
Mel Gibson is nothing else if not intense. The creator of the ultra-violent epic Braveheart and the de facto snuff film The Passion of the Christ has outdone himself, albeit he did it in a VERY good film. Apocalypto is a tale of the decline of the Mayan empire, but that is misleading. The setting of the film is during the period of their decilne, but this story probably could have happened at any point in their history. First of all, there are factual errors. The Mayan civilation declined in the 8th and 9th centuries AD, but there is a scene in the movie that briefly features European settlers, but they did not land in the Yucatan peninsula until the 15th century. This could be mostly symbolic and in the context of the scene, it can be scene as symbolic to the themes of the movie.
For the past two weeks, no matter where I go I can't escape girls wearing this outfit. Penn State, Detroit, Pittsburgh... it doesn't matter. Everywhere I go, I run into girls, who otherwise would be hot, wearing this ugly ass outfit.